I don't care anymore...

Hello there everyone, it's been a long time since the last time I updated my blog. It's been a very busy month... Studying and revision fill up my schedule now for this month. I am having exam next month (starts at 12 Jan 2009). It is our final sem 1 exam.

I am a bit stress with my study, work and relationship. I don't know why things happened the way that I didn't expect. It's already the end of the year of 2008. Thank God for His grace and love that I am still able to be myself till the end of the year. Many things had happened this year. From my relationship with my family and extended families, friends and relatives, enemies and nemesis, God and all other people around me. I keep on reminiscing my pasts and there are a lot of things that sometime I want to redo and undo. Not that I regret what had happened to my life, but I know that I could have make them much better.

I don't know why I have been affected by a lots of people this year. I mean, seriously, I have known and become very closed to a few people. And I can sense that my life has change because of them. I am still wondering whether I will be the person that I wanted to be.

This year marked the 2nd year since I met and become one of the member of my foster family. I am very glad that I have a family that is able to love me as their family member too despite all the differences that we have. Thank you God for letting me to choose the path of my life and guiding me all these while. I really love my foster family, especially Abah and Ibu. I treat them the same way I treated my own parents. I respect them as my own dad and mom. I still remember my prayer during new year eve last year; I want to learn how to love all the people that I know and I want God to teach me how to love unconditionally. And guess what, I believe this is a part of His plan for me. Knowing Abah and Ibu, I have learned a lot on how to love other people, unconditionally.

I don't know how I become very closed to my foster parents. I guess, it's about sincerity and "give and take" in a relationship. Well, when I accepted them as my own parents, I didn't expect the same thing as I expect from my own parents. I know my limits, however, whenever they need me there as a son, I always try best to be there for them. Oh ya, not to forget, sacrifices also play a very vital roles in a relationship.

However, since my foster parents met a new person (that's gonna be part of the family too), my foster dad changed but not my foster mom. I know he is going to be quite important to the family, but my foster dad started to be someone else that I don't really know quite well. He scolded me once and I don't mind because it shows me that my foster dad loves me. I really love him (platonically) and I hope he still loves me the way he used to love me.

Me? I don't know why I have the feeling of "hatred" over the new person. I know that there is something wrong with him but I could not point it out. I already mentioned this to my foster mom and she also agreed with me. I know there is something wrong with him and I could not make the head or tail of it. I am certainly not jealous over him. But there is something bad that's gonna happen and I SEE THAT'S COMING (It's a gift and a curse to me).

Anyway, I really want to get back to them and be the way that we used to be. I have never regret knowing them. I always tell myself that I am the luckiest person in the world to have another parents to be my parents. I really love my foster family. And now, I really miss them...

Let me end this post with something I wrote during my way back to my sweet little hometown:

My memories
keep bothering me
I didn't know that what I've done
could hurt you so much

All the past
That had happened to you
Are haunting me every nights and days
I wish I could put all of them to my grave

I am sorry
I give it all away
To get back to you
Forgive me
Let's start all over again
Please come back to me


This is actually lyric that I wrote... but haven't got time to put rhythm into it.

Okay, that's all folk. Happy New Year to everyone. May The Almighty blesses and brings joy to you all.

Yesterday - Today

Hi guys. It's Friday and it is my day again to sit and think about something to type for my blog.
This week, my life have been out of focus for quite sometime. I don't know what keeps on bothering me. But, anyway I am still happy of what I am now (this is for sure... hahaha)

A few days before, my friend and I had a good conversation. We were talking about "TECHNOLOGIES". It is so much fun talking about the fast-moving gadgets and technologies. I mean, see how much technologies changed and improved. It is so fast that Intel needs to come out with Quad-Processor :) .

Anyway, I am just bluffing. You guys know exactly what I am talking about, rite.

Here are some of the stuffs that me and my friend talked about:

1) Pendrive @ Thumbdrive @ Portable Media Storage

I still remember the very first time I had my first pendrive. It was in the year of 2005 (when I was in Form 5). I was VERY HAPPY to have a PENDRIVE. And you know what, it was 128MB (the largest capacity for a pendrive at that time is 512MB, huhuhu). At that time, I felt like I was the most advanced guy in the school (actually I fell into 2nd place because my friend who introduced me to "PENDRIVE" got it first). I was very proud "showing off" my pendrive to my friends and also to my teachers (smug). I put it around my neck and walked around the school with pride (God, please forgive me for acting like that). Hahaha... And guess how much did I pay for it?

RM144 cash for a 128MB silver-Kingston pendrive! It cost me my fortune at that time. And, of course at that time I was "sponsored" by my parents, not like today :)

Now, in 2008, you can get a PENDRIVE with 16GB for RM119. WTF??!!! It is 125 times larger than my very FIRST PENDRIVE and cheaper by RM25. Huhuhu...

2) External Hard Disk @ Portable Hard Disk

When I heard there is one thing call "External Hard Disk" in the year of 2006, and its ability to store massive amount of data, documents and files, I already set in my target-of-the-year list to have one by the end of 2006. I saved my money to buy an EXTERNAL HARD DISK.

Finally, in September 2006, I bought one EXTERNAL HARD DISK during PC FAIR at Kuching, Sarawak.

And guess how much did it cost?

RM289 for a 40GB EXTERNAL HARD DISK. OMG!!! I spent another portion of my fortune to have extra HARD DISK. Thank goodness my parents supported me at that time. Fuhhh...

And recently, I bought my THIRD EXTERNAL HARD DISK in Penang. Guess how much did I spend this time?

RM260 for a 320GB EXTERNAL HARD DISK. Yeah, it is very impressive as I love to collect intertainment medias e.g. musics & movies. And I am really grateful for having an EXTERNAL HARD DISK that is 8 times larger than my first one. Hohoho...

I am very sure that there are still a lot of things that I did not mention but you know what they are. Technologies keep on improving and advancing as years pass by. But, it is really funny to observe and reflect the moment that we have something that we use now. You know, they costed you a fortune before but now, they are things that can be buy with cheaper price tahn before with GREATER VALUES. They are going to keep on CHANGING and they are GETTING BETTER and BETTER.

So, folks watch what you are buying and remember the year. In the next future, you will laugh at what you have buy today (if you know what I mean).

Peace out.

Being together

Hey there guys... Thanks for visiting my page and thanks for dropping comments on my previous posts. You guys out there have been really encouraging me to keep on blogging.

Recently, i have been drying out of idea of what to share. I don't really know what topic i can deliver this time but I've just got an inspiration for this post. It's about something that is very close to us but we seem not able to see it. It's about being together with others.

I've been traveling quite a lot to different kind of places. From my small, sweet hometown to the busy city lifestyle, i've been wondering to various kind of places. And one thing that i really enjoy the most when I am traveling is, guess what? The PEOPLE. Seriously, I don't know why I am born to be "talkative" person. I guess the only reason I can give now why I am a people-man is I cannot stand quietness and I really need to talk. Whenever it feels quiet, I always try to break it and start a conversation.

Anyway, I am not really a people-man, but some of my friends said that I am one. Some of my friends told me that I am a friendly man. I don't know how friendly I am but I am trying to be what i want to be, that is to be ME :)

Being together with people is the nature of human. I cannot imagine myself leaving on an island ALONE (just like Tom Hank in the movie "Cast Away"). We, humans love to live around people... but not with everyone in the world. You see, we are actually quite selective when we hang around with people or even our friends. We may feel more comfortable with one of our friends but not to the others. I also feel the same too. We feel more comfortable with somebody but not with somebody else. We can share more ideas, jokes and thoughts with that person but not with anybody else. I've been wondering why does this happen (of course, as a human). I figure it out and it actually finally comes to 2 word...

SIMILARITIES and SUITABILITY.

When we meet a person for the very first time, we find it is quite hard to start a conversation. We seem to be lost in the midst of finding ideas of what to talk about. This because we have not found the similarities between us and the person we just met. I know that is not true for everyone because some people just know how to start a conversation. But initially, they also find difficulty in starting a conversation.

Anyway, I am not going to blog about how to start a conversation. What I am going to point out here is what makes we feel more comfortable with a person but not to another person. It is actually back to our own principle of our life. We feel more comfortable speaking to a person who shares some similar traits with us. I always looked and observed people around me. They do talk to everyone but one thing that I observed is that, they will feel more comfortable when they talk to someone. They talk more comfortably with that person compared with the others. Humans are more comfortable when they found something that is familiar and similar to them. This also applied the same in our daily conversation. We feel more comfortable speaking with people who share the same styles and traits with us.

This is very dangerous because if we are going to stay like this, we will tend to be more selective in our conversation. This may lead to bias and "mistreated" and "misconception" towards another people. We share something with a person we feel comfortable with but not to the others. I know you may mention that we want to take care of another people's feelings but why through ignoring them? You may never know that they wanted to hear the same thing because you are ignoring them because they are not the same.

Anyway, we also need to trust in building relationship. As we have more trust with one fellow, we feel secure when we share our thoughts with that person. We feel more secure sharing what we feel and what we think with somebody that we trust. Thus, we will be able to eliminate the earlier problems that I've pointed out.

When somebody is suitable with us, we tend to turn to that person to talk with but not with others. We are able to share without hesitation with that person.
When you this, you are already ignoring some other people who might be a better person than the person that you already have. As you carry on, you will only laugh and cry with "this person" but not with the others. Then, this will limit the number of people that you are going to share your thought with. As it continue, only a small number of people will really know who you are.

There is nothing wrong of having a small number of people who now us better and whom we can share our thought with. But isn't it will be much better if we can share our thought with more people...
Isn't it will be much better if we can be good and nice to everyone...
Isn't it will be much better if we have lots of best friends instead of only one...

Think about it. Be universal (Thanks, Dad).

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