I don't care anymore...

Hello there everyone, it's been a long time since the last time I updated my blog. It's been a very busy month... Studying and revision fill up my schedule now for this month. I am having exam next month (starts at 12 Jan 2009). It is our final sem 1 exam.

I am a bit stress with my study, work and relationship. I don't know why things happened the way that I didn't expect. It's already the end of the year of 2008. Thank God for His grace and love that I am still able to be myself till the end of the year. Many things had happened this year. From my relationship with my family and extended families, friends and relatives, enemies and nemesis, God and all other people around me. I keep on reminiscing my pasts and there are a lot of things that sometime I want to redo and undo. Not that I regret what had happened to my life, but I know that I could have make them much better.

I don't know why I have been affected by a lots of people this year. I mean, seriously, I have known and become very closed to a few people. And I can sense that my life has change because of them. I am still wondering whether I will be the person that I wanted to be.

This year marked the 2nd year since I met and become one of the member of my foster family. I am very glad that I have a family that is able to love me as their family member too despite all the differences that we have. Thank you God for letting me to choose the path of my life and guiding me all these while. I really love my foster family, especially Abah and Ibu. I treat them the same way I treated my own parents. I respect them as my own dad and mom. I still remember my prayer during new year eve last year; I want to learn how to love all the people that I know and I want God to teach me how to love unconditionally. And guess what, I believe this is a part of His plan for me. Knowing Abah and Ibu, I have learned a lot on how to love other people, unconditionally.

I don't know how I become very closed to my foster parents. I guess, it's about sincerity and "give and take" in a relationship. Well, when I accepted them as my own parents, I didn't expect the same thing as I expect from my own parents. I know my limits, however, whenever they need me there as a son, I always try best to be there for them. Oh ya, not to forget, sacrifices also play a very vital roles in a relationship.

However, since my foster parents met a new person (that's gonna be part of the family too), my foster dad changed but not my foster mom. I know he is going to be quite important to the family, but my foster dad started to be someone else that I don't really know quite well. He scolded me once and I don't mind because it shows me that my foster dad loves me. I really love him (platonically) and I hope he still loves me the way he used to love me.

Me? I don't know why I have the feeling of "hatred" over the new person. I know that there is something wrong with him but I could not point it out. I already mentioned this to my foster mom and she also agreed with me. I know there is something wrong with him and I could not make the head or tail of it. I am certainly not jealous over him. But there is something bad that's gonna happen and I SEE THAT'S COMING (It's a gift and a curse to me).

Anyway, I really want to get back to them and be the way that we used to be. I have never regret knowing them. I always tell myself that I am the luckiest person in the world to have another parents to be my parents. I really love my foster family. And now, I really miss them...

Let me end this post with something I wrote during my way back to my sweet little hometown:

My memories
keep bothering me
I didn't know that what I've done
could hurt you so much

All the past
That had happened to you
Are haunting me every nights and days
I wish I could put all of them to my grave

I am sorry
I give it all away
To get back to you
Forgive me
Let's start all over again
Please come back to me


This is actually lyric that I wrote... but haven't got time to put rhythm into it.

Okay, that's all folk. Happy New Year to everyone. May The Almighty blesses and brings joy to you all.