I am in dilemma...

Gosh, I just received my exam papers back and I did not do very well in my exam. I know that i could have done much better but it seems far from reality now. I know that my result is an eye-opener for me to prepare myself for the real exam next year. Hopefully...

Anyway, this is not the reason why i am in dilemma...

Since I've been in Penang, there have been nothing much that I have done (and enjoy) through out the couple of months. I have never got the time to enjoy myself here and I really want to do so...

All this while I've been studying and studying... I do play some sports but that is not my passion.
My real passion is in music. MUSIC stand so much meanings in my life.

Now, I have got no chance to do what a passionate about. I really want to play my keyboard and my guitar back in my home at Sarawak. I really miss playing guitar and keyboard... :(

I don't know whether i am going to bring my guitar to Penang or not after end of year break because my parents do not allow me to do so. I am in dilemma because i could not do what i really want to do. I mean, besides being a doctor, what's wrong of playing guitar? I know that my parents attention is to ensure that i study hard and go oversea. But, it is really stressful if all i do is study. All works and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

I don't want to be like Jack the dull boy. I want to be me...
Tim who play guitar and study to be a doctor. That's what i want to do.

I hope and pray that i will be able to bring my guitar to Penang after the holiday.
I don't want to regret in the future if i am not able to be what i want to be and to do what i want to do now. It's now or never...

Till then...

To love or to die...

Hello there...

So I'm back. I've been quite busy a few days back. I got in-house examination. So, i spend of my time with all my notes and my books. It's quite a short battle because we only had 4 papers and all is done in 2 days.

Personally, i am very disappointed with myself. I did not spend enough time revising all the modules that i learned and consequently 'failing' me during the exams. I am sad because i know that i could do much better than what i've done.

Anyway, a pass is a pass. We could never return back to the time when we make mistakes.

Em... the topic this time is quite hard to handle. It's about LOVE.

LOVE...

There is no discrete meaning of the word 'love'. I have never try to Google the word 'love' before but i bet you want to do it. Try type "define: love" using Google. See what you can get.

Love is a very powerful force. For you to understand (or actually to experience) love you need to have the guts to love other people.

Some people are to afraid to love others. You might deny this statement but deep inside your heart, there is still a piece of love that you have not share or give to other people.

Why?

Because this people are afraid of giving love to others and to accept love from others. We are more concern about ourselves than to concern of living as part of the world. People who are afraid of love actually have the perception that, once they give love to other people they are very afraid that they might lost it.

I'll tell you now... No, there is no such thing of loosing love. God give us abundant love for us to share with other people. It's to abundant actually that we have very BIG heart. That's why people say, "People who are happy have a BIG heart". Happiness is one kind of ways to show love to other people. Have you ever think, when you meet people who are happy, you feel better, especially when you are in bad situation.

God create a heart in each and everyone of us... It is the biggest space for Him to provide love toward us. It's is so vast and huge that there is no one can see the end to love other people. LOVE is a gift from God and it is a gift to be given to other people (and not to be kept to yourself).

No one is born into this world without a heart. Without love.

Everyone has LOVE. The only question now is, are you willing to give your love to other people.

Love here is not limited to boy-and-girl's love... But it is more than that.

Back to the statement that i mentioned before: some people are afraid of giving their love to other people. Love is not like flower... Beautiful but once given to other people, you don't have it anymore. NO... Love is like the SEEDS of flower. The more you give LOVE, the more LOVE you have. It's proliferating. Just like the seeds of flower. You give seeds of flower to other people and people grows them and once the flowers are big enough, it will produce more flower's seeds. It is the same with love. The more you sow them, the more you will reap.

You will never loose LOVE. Even when you love someone, and you loose the person, you will never loose love. It is nonsense when people say "I'll give back all the love that you gave to me" when they are breaking apart. Isn't the statement itself is wrong. There is no way you can give back all the love that people give to you. If you are able to give back the love, that's mean you are able to love that person back... ( to give love is to love).

Some people might be afraid to love other people because they are afraid to be hurt. Love doesn't hurt anybody. There is disappointment when your love is failed by others but love will eventually heal your hurted soul if you are willing to give your love back.

Think of this analogy:

2 wrestlers are fighting... but there seems to be no end to this fight.
And then a son ask his father,"Dad, this fight seems to be no winner. What do you think dad?"
"Son, there will be a winner".
"Who?"
"Love. Love always win."

Love always win. Even when the struggles seem to be no end, but LOVE will always win.
There are so much love that we will never lack of it.

Think of your dad, mom, brothers and sisters...
Think about people that you love and you had love before...
Please, give them love for there should not be a reason for you not to give love.

With all the love of the world.

(To be continued)

Mirror and reflection...

I don't really know how to start this but i'll give it my best shot.

Perfect. That is a very influential word for almost to everyone. Everyone want to be perfect in something. Most of us know that we will never be perfect. Can we?
As a person who believe in God, I'll say no. It's not that i don't believe in being perfect, but we will never be able to be completely perfect.

Here, i would like to share some of my experience in my life living with different kind of people.
I come from a suburban area and have been away from my hometown for about 8 years (and I am just 20 yrs old!). I've seen a lot of people. Some people are nice, some are not so nice.


Anyway, what important is I have learned a lot from people who lives around me. I have a lot of good friends through out the years being away from my parents. They are my mirrors. My friends always help me to improve myself. They pin out my strengths so that i'll be able to fully utilized them and they also tell me my weaknesses. It's often hurtful when someone point out our weaknesses. Some of my friends are being true to me and i know that their intention is to make me a better person. But some or not.

Some people used other people weaknesses as the source of their "superior power". They manipulate others' weaknesses to make themselves feel better and happy. Instead, they are fooling themselves not realizing that they are making the same mistakes too.

For instance, a person who smoke advice another person not smoke...
A** h***s, for me this kind of people are really stupid.
They know other people mistake but they never want to know their own mistake...
Pity them, they will never be able to change. Come on, even the mirror is also dented, how could he able to advice another people?

Think first before you say anything to your friend. Make sure you are not doing what are they doing first... then you go and tell your friend about their problem.
Polish your mirror first, make sure it is not dented and dirty. If its dirty, polish it so that it will shine. Then you will be able to shine other people.

I really hate people who insult other people but never realize that they are the same.
"Orang tak sedar diri," that's what i called them.
Make sure you are corrected first before you correct other people. Then they will have respect to what you say.

So, before you say or correct anything about your friends, correct yourself first.
NO is not an option to correct yourself for if you in the same group as they are and resist to change, then you are non better than they are.

DON'T quickly say anything... Think, then you say... Or else... you know what will happen...

Spare a change...

Hi guys...

I am so sorry that lately I didn't post anything...
I've been busy with my study and other personal matters

Anyway, I just want to update myself to anyone who passes through this page.
Currently, I am in Penang Medical College...
Doing Pre-medicine...

Actually. I received an offer from UWA about a week after i entered PMC...
It was quite disappointing because i wanted to go to Australia :( but...
I know that God has provided me with the very best of me...
And I know that PMC will be the better choice.

Pause this emotion... Rewind back and get back to the original mood of this blog.

Lately, there is a lot of incidents occur around my living space...

But I am not going to share them in this blog. I am not a person who is busy-body (even though my body is always busy, hahaha...).

What i want to share is about human attitude.
We always feel that we know a lot about ourself... we feel proud of what we are. Good, that is very good for it is signed showing that you are grateful of God.

But, do you really know about yourself? Are you 100% sure of what you know? How much do you really know about yourself?

I've been asking this questions to myself millions times. But, my answers always changing...
There is no fix answers to those questions because PEOPLE CHANGE.

You may realize that other people are changing but do you realize that you are changing too?
I constantly remind myself that i am also changing... and I am always afraid of change... Especially when it is a drastic one. I don't really like change... not in me but other people.

You want to know why? Because we are comfortable with who we are and the environment that we are living in. This includes friends, family and other stuffs that you can imagine of.
I know sometime is quite hard for us to follow the changes but that's what we need to live in. We need to live in the world that keep on changing. You may like what happen today but you may hate what happen tomorrow...

For me, because i don't like about change, especially about myself, what i try to do is to change the environment itself so that it will tolerate with me. When i say this, some people might say that i resist to change and i am being hard to myself. NO... I don't change the situation to follow my way but i change so that I am comfortable with it. What I always do is i'll need to change a little bit in order to change the situation.

So, I am still changing even though i don't like it... but the change is so small that i do not realize that i have change...
I will only realize once i got a "mirror" to reflect of who i am. I will know that the small changes will accumulate and eventually the small changes will become a big change in my life and attitude.
it's just like learning, u learn a bit by bit and later you will realize that u have learned a lot.

Anyway, friends i hope you realize once you read this and come on... to those who is hurt with what i said, I am so sorry. Hope that u will CHANGE

Sometime, when things get complicated and difficult, everything seems wrong
I don't know whether to love someone is wrong or right...
Is it wrong for me to share my love with someone else...
Is it wrong for me to fullfil God's wills...
It makes me feel misreable. I always say that "the best thing that we do might not be the right thing to do".
But now i need to rethink of this phrase...
I believe that if it is the best thing to do, than it must be the best right thing to do...

About love, i am not talking about love between boy and girl.
What i meant is unconditional love. Love that never ending...
I couldn't believe when hatred conquer someone, and destroying all the things that we have built.
It is hard to except that someone that you love and rely on turn their back on you...
It reminds me to one of the Malay proverb; "Susu dibalas dengan tuba".

I think there is something wrong with this world, to many devil surrounding us, weakening the weak humans.
Friends, i want to remind you to equip yourself with the weapons and shields of God.
Only Him can help us in this world... He who create, He who love, He who we believe in, Jesus Christ.

And I will keep on praying that the person that I love and miss so much will change...
To love and love more, other people...

Amen.